| i always update @ the weirdest times!! |
[02 Jan 2005|01:39am] |
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the past few days hav bin pretty darned awesum..
first, i forget which night, but i finally got the courage to actualy go hang out w/ alex and the rest of those boys.. since aaron called me a couple times and i thought.. o what the heck do i have 2 lose (since b4 then all i did pretty much was sit around ..) so i walked 2 Yair's house, and met up w/ alex, aaron, dave, karl, cassidy and like all these other ppl.. it was pretty crazy.. we were jus hanging out and i tried 2 play beer pong 4 the first time.. i suck! butya, it was nice 2 hang out w/ those boys.. i havent talked 2 them in yrs.. but its jus nice 2 go bak 2 ur ROOTS.. hahah.
we left 4 LA on the 26th, w/ my cousin Nazanin (im nicknaming her nazy cuz its cool :-p) and the rest of my family (except 4 my sis in canadaaa) newayss so we left in the afternoon and didnt get ther til late in the night.. oops!
then on monday, we woke up, and i hung out w/ A. (A = nameless boy :D :D) he met the rents! haha.. for about 20 seconds :D it was super fun. first him and i walked around third st for about an hr, then his friends met up w/ us, and we went 2 eat QUALITY food.. @ hoooters! haha (i got a shirt :-x) neways, it was fun, nice 2 meet good ppl, then all of us walked around sum more, and then.. b4 i had 2 leave, A and i hung out 4 about an hr, and walked around the pier .. it was alll ugly out but it was still super cute :D
i got dropped off, and we went 2 my mom's uncles house.. w/ lots of cousins and all.. a lil reunion teehee.. it was fun. i had GREATTT persian food (which btw, when i get married -- dnt worry i jus watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding thats why..) im having PERSIAN FOOD @ MY WEDDING!
lets see.. the next day we roamed around beverly hills (w/ STAR MAPS HAHAHA) and looked @ famous ppls houses ... it was funny since u could only see gates but we were sooo hoping to see something interesting.. then we went 2 Catherines house, and we had Crepes ! :) mMmm
delphine was ther too, and her older brother that i havent seen in AGES! their tallness amazes me! William forced us all 2 play his LEGO game 2, that was fun.. and then, we were off 2 Venice beach, despite the rain! we walked up and down venice beach, it was so nice.. finally, that night we went 2 my mom's friends house, from high school, and we saw all these ppl that i hadnt seen in yrs too! persian boys ahahha! nazy and i laughed a lot, we played DDR for the 1st time (btw wat a HORRIBLE GAME!! altho it is a workout.. please!) wealso rocked @ texas hold em poker! yaaa
neways it was all in all a good night, with cool ppl.. those boys ive known since i was a toddler, so itd b cool 2 hang out.. iduno. they both go2 berkley, they said theyd come up 4 picnic day!
the next day we decided to go 2 universal studios.. which was SUPERRR COOLLL!! soo many things happend ther, first off, the rides were AWESUM, we got 2 see the tour of wher everything is made, ANDDD nazy and i took a picture w/. . . DUN DUN DUN
TYRESE!!!!!!!!!!
haha. i cant believe it.. we were walkin down sum part of universal studios, and all of a sudden we see this small crowd start 2 form next 2 this niceeee car, and ppl were taking pics.. so we ran thinking it was sum1 famous.. and IT WAS!! :) he was so sweet 2!! :) teehee.
neways that NIGHT was even better.. we got 2 go 2 BENIHANAs!!!!!!!! my 1st time!
and the guys next 2 us (we had 2 share a table) kept quoting Napolean Dynamite, and the persian ppl @ another table were scary .. haha. and.. we got these passes 4 Univ. Studios, and my moms pic looks like shes a criminal, so we had like the BIGGEST uproar of laughterin the restaurant.. hehe.
what else.. ya good times.
finally the next day, our last day, we visited the chinese theater, then hung out w/ our old friends Nahid and Tupper and Monica and Julia.. monica is my age, shes awesum.. it sucks we dnt really stay in contact much of the yr, but its so hard 2 keep track of everyone! being @ different colleges esp... neways, then it was the LONG ride back.. prolly the LONGEST ride EVER!!
ok i thought id b able 2 update everything, but its too long.
HAPPY new YRS 2005!! OMG!!
~ to be continued ~
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| MERRY MERRY XMAS |
[25 Dec 2004|07:19pm] |
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justin timberlake - worthy of |
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"THE" list:
AE jeans
pink sweater
burgundy sweater
necklace
earrings my sis made
2 drawings from my bro
2 pairs of sandals/opentoe shoes
1 pair of black pumas
an ipod :D
pink cover 4 the ipod :)
chocolate
love actually dvd
YAY.. so we finished love actually super late last nite.. so luckily, my 8yr old bro didnt wake up til 10 am this morning.. i imagined he would wake me at the butt-crack of dawn .. and im o SO glad he didnt :)
it was a good morning.. we opened gifts and i think everyone liked what i got them.. i got my dad his rain pants, my mom the seinfeld episode 1&2 dvds and a necklace, my bro 2 lego thingies that r like fighters iduno, and my sis i got her a silver purse, a light purple fuzzy hat, and a desserts cookbook :D hopefully she'll b using that soon.
after opening of presents, we had tea and cookies :D
after that, most of the day was spent talking, walking around and playing w/ the new ipod.. i havent actually downloaded anything in ages so i hav alllll these songs from a SUPER long time ago.. and i had 2 go thru all of them and decide whether i wanted them or not... oy. i still have much 2 do, but i am happy
my sister leaves 4 canada 2morow at like 6AM.. ew! then i guess i should pack 4 LA, my parents, my bro and my moms cousin we're all goin ... to SANTA MONICAAA but we're not leaving til late afternoon, which i think is retarded but whatever.. things with my mom arent so great so we'll c how that goes :/
i think we're eating dinner soon.. i totally feel like a food coma w/out the food. ive jus bin out of it all day.. who knows why..
well, folks.. merry xmas to those still having big dinners w/ family and friends.. and still opening presents..
cheers 2 the restof winter break! :)
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| MERRY XMAS EVE :D :D |
[24 Dec 2004|11:37pm] |
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xmas music.. DUH |
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soo im sittin in my room, surrounded by presents i have recently wrapped, that still have to be put under the xmas tree.. neways, im excited 4 xmas.. in like 20 minutes its XMAS!! AHH!!
my dad got me the Love Actually dvd (best movie EVERR) -- and altho it was supposed 2 b for Xmas.. thus not having to open it til 2morow, i REALLLLLY wanted 2 watch it (so did the rest of the fam) so we opened it and watched it..
unfortunately im sitting here because a family friend came to say hi and wish us a merry xmas and all .. which is awesum cuz hes cool and hes like one of those guys that will always have a young spirit and heart but neways.. the point is.. we're not watching LOVE ACTUALLY!! teehee.. i seriously LOVE that movie.. its jus soo perfect! in everyway, every part about it, every love story involved is jus amazing! :)
SO.. i want 2 make a list of my Xmas stuff but i almost feel like i should wait til 2morow to post it as a Xmas day memoria thingie or sumthing.. so i will wait.
basically, altho xmas shopping has been hectic, all in all i love xmas time, i had the BEST dinner ever w/ my family 2nite.. had reallly good french buche de noel, (YUMMMYY)
RANDOM THOUGHT : ive bin thinking.. my forehead is like REALLY big. so i want to mayb cut my hair, like get sum bangs or sumthing to kind of . . well change around stuff, and mayb accent less my forehead? iduno im weird..
we'll c
current countdown:
15 minutes to Xmas
about 8 hrs to opening of presents..
less than 48 hrs b4 im in SANTA MONICAAA :) :)
and .. lets jus say
its interesting what the little things can do ...
IM HAPPPPPY :)
HAPPY HoLidays 2 ALL
merry xmas.. and all that YAYyy
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| its about that time, no? |
[22 Dec 2004|04:32pm] |
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hello livejournal world.
it seems you and i have parted ways many moons ago..
somehow, today feels like a compelling day to finally update. fall quarter has flown by, of my 2nd yr in college.. how scary!! it was a good quarter tho, things have been going quite well for me, in many ways. I have almost chosen a major .. haha. and i tried to work hard (as in istill think i could have made more efforts) but i really did spew out some really good work. Like this paper i wrote bout Aids in South Africa, and all my sociology papers .. they were interesting, i thought.. but neways, i think studying a lot (at least being organized 4 finals reallly helped me, in that i realise i want 2 do well, i want 2 organize myself and most importantly, I CAN!
speaking of fall quarter, solid friendships have definetely been formed. and that makes me very very happy. i think back to last yr, and iwas so insecure without a set set (hah) of friends.. but i feel stronger, and happier.. kim and abby and emily r my 3 realllllllly close friends, and stina is right there w/ them, except that i dnt get to see her much.. but i will change that. my neighbor shawn is one of the COOLEST ppl i know, n sum guys that i have met i am really looking 4ward to creating and expanding friendships w/... but neways
so im really hoping ill get to go 2 spain next fall, cuz that would b freakin awesum!!! abby would b goin 2, so we'd b ther 2gether.. but b4 i go, i must practice my spanish like no OTHER!! haha... i realise there is so much i have forgotten, just cuz i havent practiced, or looked at anything from spanish in a couple yrs!!!
wat else.. there is a boy :) he will remain nameless as far as LJ goes.. but im happpy to see where things r headed.. i met him while we were drunk @ an 80s party.. but ive gotten to know hima lot more since then, and he's one of my friends friends... and.. hes very sweet!! we've had an official date or watever, and that was awesum, and we hung out a bunch b4 and around finals.. n we hav a class 2gether next quarter.. who knows how that will go :D i will not give any more details as of now, but all i hav 2 say is that he makes me happy, and i smile a lot :) :)
what else is new.. winter break has been shitty/good in that being home is not going so well.. my mom and i have been fighting constantly, my dad jus isnt around 2 make any of us feel better, and well i pretty much sit in my room and dont do anytihng.. i love my bro and sis 2 death, but it jus doesnt feel worth it 2 b around my mum and how annoying she is.. she seriously treats me like a lil kid, cant communicate any of her feelings, and then blame things on me, and how i dont appreciate her, even tho its really her jus making things 10 times harder b/c she doesnt bother 2 listen..
also, most of my friends r doing their own thing.. ive hung out w/ a couple of them, and its bin good, and i know i miss them,but i feel like winter break is gona go by w/out anything really getting done (like im not gona hav an amazing night w/ friends ...) richas gone in india, dani's working all day, nells w/ jason, erins now gone, but if she was here shed always b w/ joe, and feyi is w/ keith.. so that leaves me.. feeling prety lonely. Ive been hanging out w/ dani a lot either way, when she gets off work, i saw her @ dinner w/ richa, and last nite we had a wonderful lil movie date (we saw Motorcycle Diaries..) which btw, that movie makes me want to PICK UP AND LEAVE to just GO EXPLORE! .. so ya.
ive also seen kim a good amount and abby once.. so thats not 2bad.. but they are ppl i see everyday in davis, so it doesnt feel like theres much going on as far as winter break... o well. im trying 2 organize new yrs, and a trip 2 LA w/ the fam.. so we'll c how that goes.
yesterday kim and i went 2 SF all day.. that was awesum.. again an Xmas shopping day gone wrong :) well wrong as in i didnt buy anything for anyone! except myselF!hah! well i only got this cool belt thing, and the reason i got it was b/c it was jus tooo beautiful.. kim and i had soo much fun and we went 2 the CUTEST restaurant 4 lunch EVER!! it was this sandwhich/seafood/cafe place that had reallllllly good food. i got a veggie sandwhich that had mozerrella, portabello mushrooms, and sundried tomatoes, all stuffed in baguette
YUMMYYY :) and ya we went around union square, and then my friend Ben from davis called me up (he lives in the city) and kim and i met up w/ him and his friend on Haight/Ashbury.. kim and i took the trolley up 2 Cole but we didnt kno if it was the right stop, but turns outit was and we found it ok:) i love shopping, too bad everything is SOOO expensive these days.. i want A DRESS for new yrs.. w/ lots and LOTS OF SPARKLES!
well see..
i went 2 stanford w/ nick 2day into victoria's secret so he could pick out something for kimmy. it was so cute :) and i looove what he got her.. i was also supposed 2 do lots of shopping 2day but that didnt get done. so im determined 2 get up early 2morow and make a BIG giant Xmas shopping extravaganza.
all in all, winter break has been ok. i think im writing this during my bad bad day, so it doesnt seem as goood as it has been. when i first got home things were great, i ate dindin w/ the fam, watched movies w/ them.. but its reallly these past 2days that have been seriously getting to me. i think ive built up this attitude towards confrontation.. like since im in davis, i never have 2 deal w/ my mum so as soon as anything goes wrong here i jus feel like wats the point of being here if things rnt that good? u know? i think it all started when we went shopping @ valley fair, we were having a great time, til mum decided 2 take HOURS in this store, and left mimi and i stuck in one store b/c we wanted 2 buy these shoes but had 2 wait 4 her 2 get bak before buying them or going newher.. and thne she jus kept bothering us to go ..iduno it was frustrating.. but ya.
so 2nite.. who knows.. i hav a doctors appointtment :( dnt ask..
O and my sister had friends over 2 watch napolean dynamite, and i specifically asked her 2 come get me when they started it, but she didnt.. so i didnt get 2 watch it.. but i tihnk i might jus sit at home and watch i on my own.. mayb dani will watch it w/ me..
as for now,
i officially call today my "back 2 LJ mode"
in that i will be updating much more
much love 2 all
Happy Holidays
-roxane
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| look i have a pet!!!!! =) |
[03 Oct 2004|06:17pm] |
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tv next door |
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i havent updated in 4ever.. n sumhow.. this is all i can update w/ for now..
haha.
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[21 Jun 2004|04:53pm] |
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i cant believe i havent updated in so long
ive bin reading this great book for post breakups.. although its kind of geared towards older women who would hav broken up w/ a potential groom-to-be, its a pretty funny book bout gettin thru tough stuff.. and ya good ideas on how to get bak at an ex... NOt that tahts on my mind.
speaking of Ex, hes bin so weird lately. i havent talked to him much and avoid any type of confrontation.. except last nite i decided to talk to him (after his incessant messaging and calling) and he explained how he still wanted 2 b w/ me.. and how he still cared and how all the mean things he said were jus how he felt at the time.
OK
well that doesnt fucking erase the things he said now does it ?
owell. im over it really. its bin quite difficult, but i kind of feel like im at the easiest part of the healing.. b/c im not interested in anyone yet so i dnt hav the reminders of him... but im also not totally heart broken and emotionally dead from thinking bout the X...
but moments are still tough. luckily ive had great friends to support me all the way through..
lets see my summers bin AWESUM!
a lil tension at home. but thats nothing a lil talking cant handle..
umm besides that, its bin really funny.. cuz i hung out w/ kim for like 2 days straight even tho i had jus said gdbye to her the day b4.. and w/ kim comes nick and brian and all their friends..
i even went to a paly party.. which was bleh, but i brought my trusted friends along..
so that was nice, we ended up sleeping ther cuz we were too tired and couldnt find a ride home.
wat else is new. i went to PLUTOS which was awesum too, and shopping w/ richa wher i got a bunch of stuff.. yey 4 new clothes :D
for fathers day, after shopping w/ richa.. i went to a great spanish classic restaurant w/ the FAM. itw as sooo sooo goood. i cant even explain it..but ya.. now i still want 2 party more tho. and i want 2 see everyone i kno b/c im leaving soon!! AHH!!
berkley next weekend mayb
ya and umm my mom sis and bro r leaving.. to france/iran. i wish at least my sis was stayin longer.. cuz i kno she likes 2 hang out w/ me hahah :D
ok im done now.. im bored so i want 2 stop typing
i tihnk ill go call ppl :D
PS im sick! ew
LATER
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| i dnt want 2 hurt anymore |
[06 Jun 2004|10:44pm] |
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hoobastank - the reason |
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everything is going wrong .
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| OMG |
[05 Jun 2004|02:21am] |
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omg my typing tryin not 2 wake up kt :D |
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omg its bin so long isnce i hav actua,ly [posted drunk oww o cant eve nty[e im retardeed.
ok adriand and david ar ere n iwant 2 barf and i cant barf nad my roomatee is sle;e[ing and omg i cant even spell and im too azt 2 eplain mytself. at least 2morow willmake sence/ owow im am so drunk i wanat 2 sleep 4 ever ! YEY!
ok wel;l neways i ended up drinking this new smirnoff watermelong (OMG WATERMELON HOw coOOL) ya but neawys yay
ok im wayy 2 drunk
fuck fuckedc up ppl who ditch u
and yey 2 cool ppl who actualy care
ok gdnite im sp fuke xup
bye
im defindtaly drnk out of my mind! omgidunt even kno wat im wrting
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| DRUNK |
[05 Jun 2004|12:12am] |
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ey im drunk as fuk
holy shit ok welll im drunk and this is fun adn adrian and david are here.., and i wenrt partyng w/ abby and kt and emily ditched me :-x
ok well lneways im drunk so watever! yey
fuck im goin bak on this so many times cuz imdrunk yey! byeee
hahahahah goood weekend
:D
-rox
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| alll i have to say |
[04 Jun 2004|08:05pm] |
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me sipping my green tea |
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this better be a crazy weekend
OOO YAAAA :D
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| squid rice? |
[03 Jun 2004|12:11pm] |
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~my roomate and i typing away~ |
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i always want 2 update but sumhow never take/find the time 2 do so.
neways, my POINT was
im eating squid! ew! its mushy and weird! if i had seen myself a yr ago, i would never picture myself eating this stuff OMG!
well im not eeating much of it cuz im scared to get a stomach ache.. but the riCe is YUMMY! :P
ok no.. my point realLy was that i /\/33|) (does that look like the word NEED?)
i NEED 2 figure out how to post pictures on this thing.. ive had this for HOW LONG NOW ?
ifeel like my journal is boring
i want to be ALIVE
be colorful
be FUN
LIKE ME hahah
ok im a psycho, its 12 and i suppose i should b doin work but i want2 go bak 2 my warm bed but i cant sleep! EEK!
its warm out lately?
omg i cant wait til summer. its going to BE AWESUM!
i got a free SUBWAY sandwhich yesterday
the guy called me a sweetheart
my skirt was flying up from thewind.. mayb thats why! its a cute skirt i got in LA but im paranoid bout it being too short.. its short.. but CUTE :D
ok im done i swear i will b productive only 2 more weeks of skool OMG im nervous and excited and yey!
richa is right. theres need 2 b sum mucho partying from now on, and during summer. fuck sobriety i want to party and b happy and hav lots of ppl around me
im selfish :-x
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| random thoughts |
[03 Jun 2004|10:31am] |
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cars outside.. its LOVELY |
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so im kinda tired. and i suppose i dnt really want 2 update. buti should. so mayb ill write a lil now and more later? ill write bout my WEEKEND later.
umm these past few days hav bin me sittin around, adrian bein here, hangin out w/ ppl and jus chillin. i cant wait til this weekend b/c we are partying for my birthday.. ya its a lil late but wat can u do ? im excited. even tho OMG i hav an essay 2 rewrite for monday that i SO dont want 2 do.
also i went to target yesterday and got a cool shirt that has Ralph from simpsons that says "Pick Me" while hes pickin his nose.. no i hav not gotten any more mature now that im an adult :D
i miss ppl already. not that i havent seen them. but i miss all the friends i used to kno and that i had gotten so close to. i kno theyre still my friends but i feel like i hav 2 prove to ppl that i hav friends. why ? iduno im wierd ?
ya welll last nite was LUAU dinner it was hawaiian food it was GOOD! im surprised. and adrian had a hawaiian shirt on hihi. ok well wat else! kt and emily got me the cutest presents ever.. this drinksicle stuf wher u put alcohol and mix and put in the freezer and it becomes.. DUN DUN DUN a DRinksicle! yey.
then on my birthday (i never updated bout that! wat a bad friend i am!!) i got lotsa calls and messages and stuff.. and then ... presents from Abby, Chrissy, Christina, Kim and Yas
they got me 3 really cute shirts.. a skirt, bracelets, a belt and 2 really cute pairs of panties :-p
so yey it was awesum. i felt so spoiled and lucky and blah
COOLNESS :D
neways so ya. i still havent bin to a stripclub, or bought porn or cigarettes (not that i would NEED any of those) so i dnt feel 18.. is that wat ur supposed to do so u can feel 18? i duno. andi want to pierce my nose. ithink im jus really really nervous. is that right? haha. duh im nervous about...
well jus about anytihng :-x
mm this is a long post already
i think ill eat sum candy hehe
byebye :D
-rox
PS why am i awake..
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| a last post while im still 17 |
[26 May 2004|11:45pm] |
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kanye west |
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well its bin a hectic past 2 weeks.. this quarter is very much poopoo.
but newyaas.. its my birthday in like 15 minutes! ahh!
im scared. to be old. old like ... not a child anymore. responsibilities..
on that note, im goin 2 disneyland with my parents this weekend.
how exciting :D
neways. yey. im a happy girl. i also jus took a shower after working out. and ya.
the only bad thing is i hav 2 do stat hw.. and lots of reading. but o well. lalala. im
almost 18!!! IIiiiiii
btw, i would like 2 kno
if i sohuld GET MY NOSE PIERCED..
i would love comments back jus so i kno.. b/c im having doubts.. although i do WANT it im scareed
and does anyone kno if it can close up again after u pierce it ? im trying to find out.. oK . yey
gdnite world :D
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| my weekend |
[17 May 2004|02:48am] |
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whitney houston - heartbreak hotel |
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so my weekend was largely eventful :D
first off, richa came on friday afternoon, which was AWESUM of her 2 drive thru all that evil traffic 2 get here and all.. i mean it took her freakin 3hrs.. but thats cuz shes a slow driver too :-x haah
ok neways, when she got here, she saw sum of my friends.. and then we walked to the quad and such 2 show her around campus.. it was pretty and hot so it was a nice fun walk.. lots of catching up..
then we came bak and chilled and decided 2 go out 2 dinner.. and since she was so hungry b4 ne1 else, we went jus us 2. we went 2 sum pasta place called Fuzio's.. for the price i would hav def. preffered plutos which was next door, but watever. it was alright! and we had good talks.. as usual.. shes always has great thoughts and is very weirdly entertaining :-)
ok so after dinner we got ice cream :) and walked around downtown.. and then we went bak 2 the dorms, and sat around and talked more and got ready for stuff.. jus 2 finnally go 2 sum lame party near cuarto... but although it was kinda stupid cuz ther were way 2 many ppl and it was hot and sweaty, it was cool 2 b w/ richa.. and we got about 2 minutes of dancing in ther haha.
ok so then.. wat else? the next day we woke up kinda late.. i straightened her hair 4 the 2nd time, ate, and i helped her pick out her outfit .. and then she was OFF!! by 2 oclock aproximately. it was really nice having her around, approving of my friends hahaha neways..
so then i sat around and finally we all decided 2 go 2 the pool (abbys friend from home was here 2 ) and then i got a tan :-p
and it was nice but then we had 2 rush 2 get ready 4 the concert..
the ANDRE NICKATINA CONCERT was AWESUM. jus AWESUM :)
it was really wat i needed, kinda a chill night, no drinking either.. and jus like bein pushed haha. no but i got like cool stuf.. and OMG nick has the cds they gave out to me! ahh! but ya even the bands b4 were good so i was definetely impressed.. ya.
umm then today, i didnt do much, watched tv, and sat around mostly.. and then i went 2 the MOVIES w/ kim/abby 2 watch MEAN GIRLS :) that was a great movie!! yey!! hahaah. o god highskool. lol. it was fun tho.
and uhh . . ya. well its now 250 AM and like.. wow.
i jus had the longest girl talk w/ kim abby and chrissy.. these are great girls. really. i really truly care about every single one of them, and they make me feel really good about myself. and those r the ppl u need 2 keep around. so that was a great talk, and b4 i go 2 bed and end this happy entry, i want 2 start makin this
LIST
that ive bin wanting to start.. itll b a
WEEKLY THING
so here it goes
3things i LIKED bout this week
-the concert
-getting closer to girls
-richa coming by :D
3things i DIDNT LIKE bout this week
-lots of work that i did/didnt do
-adrian being wierd, and me stressing bout him still
-not being productive
3things im NOT LOOKING FORWARD to next week
-the 2 essays due for american studies
-having to go 2 class for once :-x
-getting stuff done
3things i LOOK FORWARD to next week
-hanging out w/ ppl all week
-going home for the weekend, sleepover @richas, and train w/ abby?
-giving my mom her painting
ahh its hard 2 end this entry w/out mentioning adrian.
im so not over him b/c i always feel like i jus wish he would want 2 b w/ me, and would show me that so that i could take him bak and give him my all..b/c i still believe in him and i still believe that we can work things out.. and going thru so much shouldnt b for nothing.. but then i tell myself that if he really wanted 2 b w/ me he would hav tried.. but then again i always put him down so why would he jus keep putting his all out ther if i jus let him down.. and i brought this breakup upon myself, andim expecting him to pull us through it.. ahh well.but it sucks not 2 feel loved, after going thru so much, and needing someone so badly. i jus really want us 2 work b/c we are good 4 eachother b/c of such a strong connection/love/attraction that we've had... butthen we both hav communication adn trust issues.. and my way of dealing w/ it is letting go b/c im too insecure.. andi felt that mayb growing up myself would help me.. but all i feel is i wnat him 2 b ther for me thru it all.. so im very confused.
especialy since iknow ive cried and hurt so much.
ahh. sadness comes again.
alone is tough.. but u kno wat ? thats wat gets u through/to happy days isnt it..
yes it is.
thank you for all the things that hav made me who i am. thank you everyone that has ever taken a part of my life and influenced me.
gdnite world.
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| always a good time 2 update!! |
[14 May 2004|12:35am] |
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mood |
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pleased |
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music |
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my laugh ? |
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so im sitting in the bottom lounge, with my GREAT friend abby (uh oh kim phased herself out again!) and its 12:35 and im supposed 2 b doing my stat hw.. o well. its not due til 1 2morow neways, so i really hav no motivation. especially when i have abby around to make monkey faces at me. haha.
ive really come 2 enjoy my davis friends.. i hav 2 admit iwas a lil worried that they wouldnt accept my weirdness.. but i hav found that they are jus as weird (and if not weirder..) than me! yey!
ok this weeks news..
i got in a fight w/ Tim last nite.. i mean we've talked bout how hes called in the past incessantly, so since we had had a talk and it had gotten much better i thought it was over.. but i was majorly cramming last nite (which also consisted of lots of reeses pieces and gummy worms thrown in my dr. pepper.. and then a break at the Late night dc ..aka pizza/fries etc) so ya i was really trying 2 get shit done 4 my midterm and QUIz 2day.. and tim called my cell fone LITERALLY 15 times.. and this is in the course of 1 hr!! iduno but i really didnt feel like pickin up, i was overwhelmed, and it felt like he didnt even think bout how i hate when he does that, and that if i dnt pick up i hav a reason..
but turns out he said it was an emergency (this is after i got mad at him after i called him bak that night..) but like wtfff
and THEN he wouldnt even tell me wat the emergency was (sounds like bs to me....) hum hum! iduno. i jus didnt think of it, and i GUESS i could hav answered to jus TELL him i couldnt talk, but hes the type that totally blames u and guilt-trips u about not making enough time for him.. iduno. so like we gotinto an argument but now its ok.. it was weird tho. i jus find it really WIERD of someone to call bak a ZILLION times.. its jus .. WIERD.. like u jus DNT do that.. and thats why it felt like such an insult and anoyance.. o well.. thats OVEr with...
so i finished my geology essay, got through a bunch of midterms, hw and blah blah... but now i have 2 american studies essays to write.... umm ya.
so we had a softball game 2day, and it was soo annoying cuz theres only one league, and so far weve only played semi-crappy ppl (considering that only 2-3 out of the 9 girls we hav, hav actually PLAYED b4..) well 2day it was a bunch of bitchy fat man-loooking whores who thought they wer the shit.. i hate that.
i was catcher cuz im not really good at anything else (am i even good @ catching ??) but ya so i caught a fly ball, and got someone out it was exciting :-D but THEN when iwas up 2 bat, i freaked out (cuz remember, these girls are MONSTROSITIES) and so i totally swung at the wrong times (not like i kno how 2) and then struck out.. but i took it in and iwaslike watever i dnt remember how 2 play. but thhen this girl was like
O look at that dumb girl who doesnt even kno when 2 swing!
OMG! who the hell does that. FUCKING A. i was so hurt cuz like im not DUMB and ya i love our team cuz we play for fun not 2 fucking show ppl that we're the best team even tho they OBVIOUSLY didnt make the UCd team. watever. i was pissed but our team had like a good amount of bitching in as well.
O and when i went up 2 bat the next time, i actually HIT it and got 2 first base! take that FATSO!!
but then of course the next player hit a foul ball but i didnt realise they were out .. so i ran 2 second base, but iwas supposed 2 run bak to first, but i didnt kNO.. so then i got OUT :-x
neways, its officialy adrians birthday! i called him at 12AM exactly .. jus cuz it was the nice thing 2 do... and ya. i feel really bad i wish i could at least do sumthing for him or sumthing.. i hope he calls later so i can see how hes really doing.
RICHA is COMING TOMORROW!!! :D
its cool cuz i havent seen her in a while, and we're gona try 2 mayb go 2 the pool, and then.. hav dinner ,and then party it up.. iduno!
ok i should go im really tired.. i didnt do stat but im thinkin i can get it done b4 class 2morow.. YES thats wat ill do.. but i dntwant 2 leave abby here alone hehe. the study lounge gets lonely w/ nobody around.. but thats when u get the most done.. Oo i havent written this much in a while. NICE. my hands even hurt! hah!
im happy. tired. and happy.
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| 20 is old.. .. ? |
[13 May 2004|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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songs in my head.. lalalalala |
] |
Adrian is 20
20 means almost 21
20 means no more im jus a kid
20 doesnt even mean im jus a teen
20 means a big number
i cant even imagine being 20
20 is half of 40..
its one third of 60
and i kno my math
20 means opportunities, growing up, making decisions, having fun, and i dont know.. its all the things that encompass 20 yrs of knowledge.. and i am not even close to that.
this is a late night shout out to a good guy, w/ a big heart
and his 20 yrs (and more 2 come) of experience..
so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADRIAN!
you are 20, so go out ther... and enjoy the big 2-0
b/c in a heartbeat, ull be 21.. and then what will i do ?
<3
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| a LOT |
[05 May 2004|03:12pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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a lot of stuff is goin on
heres wat i gota do!
-get money 2 pay back abby
-get money for concert on sat may 15th :-D :-D
-get yas/pauline presents
-make my mom something for mother's day
-stat hw, econ hw, geology TERM PAPER
-lots of reading
-go to the POOL!!
woohoo. well i was badly influenced to get drunk and go to the Grad last nite, (yes the day b4 a midterm..) go ME... um ya. well neways, it was crappy cuz ther was nobody ther (i thought it would b cool b/c it was a dance thing.) and ya but kim, abby and i (my best friends here) decided to get drunk neways, and take lots of pictures. so itwas ok. but i crammed for studying geology in the afternoon and this morning.. meh. the test was hard, but i kno wat to expect for next time. im really gona start going to lectures.. i say that and then i sit here and write entries haha. o well. umm im happy, ive bin going to the pool prety much every other day, its bin really nice. a lil windy 2day perhaps.. and dani called me yesterday i dnt think she'll b able to come next week which kinda sucks but i think ill b seeing her that next weekend, when i go home 2 see my sis's dance performance! im excited cuz shes bin looking forward to this for a while.
yey. i still hav no clue wat im doing this summer, but i kno that i WILL b hanging out with ppl!
i cant wait til this is over. im doing better, lately. not as depressed. ithink i feel a lot more apreciated. i suppose.
neways, i should go get all this stuff done.
adrian and i talked the other nite.. ahh the sadness. it sucks loving someone and not being with them, cuz like they also hurt u. blah. but to b honest, im doing well considering the circcumstances. but his birthday is coming up and i feelll REALLY weird not doing anything about it.. u knO? ! bahh. ANY SUGGESTIONS??
hav a gd day everyone! MMm twix are good :-D
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| i sometimes think so much, but say nothing at all |
[01 May 2004|12:31pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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sarah mclachlan - good enough |
] |
my wish list
-not missing my friends back home so much
-calling them more
-not feeling so loser-ish and having true friends @davis
-not being alone in my room
-not having so much to do
-having a good birthday
-hav ppl care that im sad
-making ppl laugh
-laughing more
-not crying everyday, even tho nobody knows my pain
-having ppl invite me along, not jus when they get drunk
-being happy w/ my body
-not feeling so weak
-not missing the one person i have loved, and feeling shitty for loving him
-not feeling so hurt
-having more clothes
-being more tanned
-2 be in france
-having someone to talk to
-not feeling stressed out
-having adrian come here and comfort me
-have everything be okay, once more
-go somewhere far away from here
-being good enough for ppl here
-going home
-not feeling stupid for not making friends
-having my apartment already
-not being afraid of loneliness
-i could offer ppl my happy side more
-being better to ppl
-someone to be ther for me
-writing more/better poetry
-more art
-no more pain in my <3
-it could b easier
-seeing my friends home more
-not regretting everything ive done
-not feeling shitty in the morning
-being comfortable
ok i sound horribly depressed. it fucking sucks not having true true friends, i mean i feel like some here are but sometimes they dont invite me along places, and its normal cuz im not that close tothem, but i feellike if they cared to know me or something they would bring me along..
and um. i looked back on my old entries, and adrian and i started arguing the 1st week we went out.. blah. ok neways, i jus cant see myself w/ anyone else b/c he completes my happinesss, and although he bring me pain, at least he fills the void that im a loser. i wish i could stop crying. stop.
here fall the tears again
of everything i wanted it to end
but now that its over
i feel so weak
ive bin left alone
and i just want to sneak away
so nobody has to see me this way
i hate my life. its sad, looking bak on entries, i usedto hav so much fun, and i was so happy. i feel like ive lost my innocence. blah. last nite was fun tho, abby made me laugh so hard she couldnt even spell on the keyboard.. then howard our RA got really mad at us, cuz we were in a room w/ a kegger and iduno. but hewas like ignoring me which is really disrespectful. godamn . someone hang out w/ me?
i want to die. that is the easy way out no?
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| took this from katherine |
[01 May 2004|11:45am] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
] |
First Best Friend: lea.. ive known her since i was 2
First Car: volvo wagon hehehe
First Screenname: roxyfrenchie :-x
First Album/CD: coolio haha. he had crazy hair
First Pet: my fishie that lasted me like 3yrs!!
First Piercing/Tattoo: my ears
First Credit Card: visa
First Enemy: id have to say vanessa. not b/c i didnt hav enemies b4, but b/c she is someone i truly cant stand
First Big Trip: washington state w/ 3 girls back in 5th grade - one of them had a house there how cool
First Detention: 7th grade, when my spanish teacher decided she hated me (i think i talked 2 much in class or sumthing)
First Heartbreak: well my boyfriend of 7th grade (my first bf) moved and told everyone at his new school that he hated me.. umm then id have to say it was SAMY. definetely my real heartbreak.
First Time Dying My Hair: that must have bin like freshman yr w/ lea
First Time Getting Really Sick: probably, well iduno ever since i was a kid. but last yr in france i got like EXTREMELY sick itwas scary.
First Hangover: haha erin should remember this well. it was uhh junior yr, and i puked all over my bathroom and my sheets while erin was supposed to sleepover. HAHA.
LAST:
Last Cigarette: ew last nite i had a hit of one cuz abby was taking a hit and iwaslike being stupid.. and drunk.
Last Cuss Word Uttered: fucking shitty balls
Last Compliment: "that shirt makes ur boobs look good" -last nite.
Last Time Driving: monday when i drove bak 2 davis, w/ adrian...
Last Big Car Ride: i guess monday driving 2 davis
Last Good Cry: wednesday/thurs everyday... umm ya. this week has bin shitty, but crying was "good"
Last Time Doing A Drug: ehh probably spring break, wher i took a hit but didnt want to. it didnt do anything.
Last Movie(s) Seen: kill bill 2 !!
Last Beverage Drank: umm beer? ew.
Last Food Consumed: an apple this morning, o and last nite i had tuna, crackers, cereal and a banana! and chips lots and lots of chips
Last Phone Call: timothy wong at like 2am?!
Last Thing Written: a poem, and mayb my stat hw
Last TV Show Watched: wow um o! law and order svu!
Last Time Showered:last nite b4 going out
Last Shoes Worn: im wearing my slippers now :-p
Last Outfit Worn: well besides my pjs.. the jeans and shirt look
Last Person That You Saw Naked Besides you: besides my roomate kt probably.. umm adrian?
Last CD Played: ben harper
Last Item Bought: milk
Last Disappointment: breaking up and feeling shitty and hoping that someway somehow things will get better. im so naive. blah. if only i could jus SEE him...
Last Annoyance: ppl who are self-centered and disgusting
Last Ice Cream Eaten: O! this guy on our floor bought us all this big chocolate chip ice cream cake! MMM!
Last Time Wanting To Die: all week. everyday. kill me?
Last Birthday Celebrated: wow i dont even know. but mine is coming up soon
ok i cleaned my room but i dnt feel like doing anything except crying. blahhh. i hav all this shit 2 do too. i hate that. good weekend everyone
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